Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Where was I?

Maybe I should have said, "When was I?". Somehow I seem to have let a couple of decades (not years) slip past me without really knowing where they went. 

Not an unusual phenomenon. Not something I can halt at any rate. So I'll just ruminate about how appealing it seemed to be to be able to pack up the back of a Ford Ranger and head off into the unknown.  The bleak reality is that I now prefer the Tempurpedic ergonomic mattress that allows these overburdened weary bones to sink in comfort every night. I'm not even sure I could climb into the back of the Ranger and bed down on a two inch foam mattress on a plywood platform anymore. 

What makes these memories so fond? Is the security of a pay check every two weeks for the next 14 years so mindbogglingly normal that I escape vicariously to the past? 

Why am I closing in on 50, still wondering what I want to do with my life?  Why am I never satisfied? Why do I always want to look over the next horizon? Why do I have so many ideas, so many things to accomplish, but at the end of the day, I just want to curl up with a book and fall asleep till the clamor of the next day's alarm starts at 0430 hours? 

Is this just the effects of Gemini's ruling planet Mercury in a retrograde phase attempting to lead me astray? Is it the passing to the Other Side of two incredibly strong women in the past few months? 

Why am I experiencing a homesickness that I don't recall from my youth?  Or is it classic Kris  always running away from where she's at to somewhere else? It's harder to run away now with those aforementioned steady pay checks and retirement plan. 

In the past I would have driven several hours to see a friend or a lake (even if it was Superior). Then my trips turned to visits home. (It's winter there now, better think south) I was dreaming of a cruise to Mexico. 

And in perhaps the most frightening sign of maturity (more rudely called old age), I'm researching a food detox retreat complete with yoga, meditation, bio energy mats and some other things I haven't heard of.

Will the alien who appears to have taken over my body and mind, please return the skinny, athletic, 25 year old woman who could eat anything (except onions and mushrooms.)  

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